Scary Houseplants

Ever feel uncomfortable around your houseplants? Afraid to know what they’re thinking? Can they sense you’re nervous about keeping them alive? Well you have to develop a relationship with your plants to get them through the winter.

Don't get caught with your plants down!

In a classic Saturday Night Live skit, Christopher Walken addresses the issue with “The Googly Eyes Gardener”. I’ve posted the link here. Take a couple minutes to watch as Christopher Walken (of need more cowbell fame, another of my favorite skits) says you need to know where you stand with your houseplants. The only way to do that is to look into their eyes. In order to feel comfortable around plants he puts “googly eyes” on them so he can look into their eyes. He laments it’s not possible with grass……take a look by clicking on this link:

Can you relate to this video? If so you may have committed “involuntary plant slaughter” in the past and are feeling guilt. I would start improving your relationship this winter by 1) Dusting your plants with warm water using the forefinger and thumb in a soft pair of cotton gloves. Do this for shiny leaved plants only, fuzzy leaves will need a small brush for dusting. This will optimize the amount of light available to the plant for photosynthesis making it happier and healthier and more resistant to getting sick. Use warm water, cold water will leave spots. 2) Give the plant a 1/4 turn weekly to optimize light to all sides of the plant. 3) Move the plants back from windows on very cold nights. Do not allow foliage to touch the glass day or night, cold damage would result. 4) Plants don’t like cold drafts (not talking about beer). Keep away from frequently used doors. 5) Houseplants don’t like dry heat. Move them away from heat registers. Group them together on pebble trays. 6) Water is the number one killer of houseplants, too much or too little. The problem with watering is usually too much and the plants are killed with kindness.  Learn to tell if the plant needs water by lifting the pot and learning by the weight whether it needs water. If you’re still nervous, get yourself a moisture meter to take some of the guess work out of the process.

If you’re still not comfortable around your plants, especially those cactus, a package of “googly eyes” might be the solution for you and your houseplants!

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